Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
And then my night got REAL pukey
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
