My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
