If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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