32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
