DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
