I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
