Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
