I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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