Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
