final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
