Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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