You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize