my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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