stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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