bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
This beer is not sobering me up at all
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
