direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
