Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
