you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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