I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
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