I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
