now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize