YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
