do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
