hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my phone needs a breathalizer
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
