i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
