According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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