I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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