Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
