When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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