Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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