C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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