I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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