just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
