Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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