you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
