Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
