tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
