I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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