Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
