I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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