I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
