I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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