Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
