his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
