Please, let me fuck your mom
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
