I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
