tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
