One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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