Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
her facebook's as public as her vagina
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
