Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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