Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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