the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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