Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
God, I missed his penis.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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