why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
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