Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
