Cold hands, warm shart.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
