I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize