I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
