Just fell off a train. Bad.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
