i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So much rum. So many feels.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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