direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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