Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
All I want is dick and wine.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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