Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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