by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
