she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
