I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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