He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
