How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
