one two three fourrrrnication!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize