i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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