god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
