Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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