oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Randomize
