Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
