i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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