I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
