ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize