is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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