Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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