finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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