its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
