He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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