My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
