i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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