whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
