Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize