Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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